The Unencumbered Cucumber

MATERIALS
1 packet of cucumber seeds
12-ounce or 1-liter plastic soda bottle, with cap
Vinegar
Pickling spices

INSTRUCTIONS
When the soil is warm (late May to early June in most areas), sow your seeds in small hills, 4 to 5 per hill. When the seedlings are about 3 inches high, thin to 2 to 3 plants per hill. Cukes like full sun and room to sprawl, but you can save space by growing them on a fence or trellis. Make sure they receive at least an inch of water a week.

After the first yellow blossoms have appeared, start searching for tiny young cucumbers. Choose one at the bottom of the plant; the upper leaves will provide shade and keep the cuke from cooking in the bottle. Gently slip the bottle over the baby cucumber.

Save the bottle cap and, for best results, shade the bottle slightly with a sheet of newspaper secured with a few rocks.

Once the cuke reaches a suitably impressive size, snip it off the vine and fill the bottle with vinegar (it acts as a preservative). Add pickling spices for that authentic deli look and replace the cap.

As tempting as the pickle may be, don't eat it (how would you, anyway?). Instead, keep it in the fridge--taking it out regularly to confound your friends and neighbors.