Shelley and Deb:
This question seems to plague many parents. While there are exceptions, the simple answer is that most kids are ready to start kindergarten at the age the schools recommend, which is usually around 5 years, depending on each school or district cut-off date. What most people may not realize is that it's not the child's responsibility alone to be ready for school; it's also the school's responsibility to be ready for the varying abilities of the children. In other words, the child's readiness depends in part on the school's expectations and ability to adapt to each child.
Ask your school for their specific list of desired readiness skills. While the list predicts readiness to a degree, kids are not typically required to have each skill. Don't worry if your child hasn't mastered all of them--it is important to work on them at home, but kindergarten itself should teach and help kids practice these skills.
When it comes to what it takes for kids to be ready to succeed in kindergarten, experts agree: Basics like physical well being, positive self-esteem, ability to speak and listen, curiosity, ability to work and play with adults and other children, comfort being away from home, and an ability to solve problems and think creatively are more important than specific skills. If all these things have been fostered, most 5-year-olds are typically ready to start kindergarten.
FamilyFun: What if your child really isn't ready for a school setting? What have you found are the benefits and/or dangers of keeping a child back for a year?
Shelley and Deb: We've found that surprisingly, there is no clear-cut research that shows that delaying kindergarten for younger kids will give them an academic advantage. Still, since kids develop at greatly different rates, there are professionals and parents alike who believe that some kids may benefit from an extra year to mature. In those cases, coming to a decision to hold a child back can be complicated and there's no simple formula to follow.
The tricky part is trying to predict what a child's maturity at 5 has to do with the future, since the decision to hold him back impacts more than just that kindergarten year--it will follow him for 13 years and perhaps beyond. Kids have natural peaks and valleys in their growth, so the child who seems immature just before kindergarten may develop into one who is very mature in a few months or years down the road.
One danger of holding a child back is mistaking immaturity for a learning disorder or developmental delay or a lacking skill in a certain area. In those cases, another year at home might work against the needs of that child, as he will be held back from needed experiences and/or services that school can provide.
If you are questioning your child's readiness, ask for help from your pediatrician, preschool teacher, child-care provider, or the principal or a kindergarten teacher at the new school. Weigh your options, trust that you know your child best and then embrace your decision.
FamilyFun: On the other hand, we've heard about very ambitious parents purposefully keeping a child back to give them an academic edge over their peers. What do the experts have to say about this?
Shelley and Deb: This type of logic can easily backfire. If a child who is clearly ready is held back from kindergarten, she may become bored with the curriculum, feel like a failure, or feel awkward with the kids in her class who are younger, and these problems may follow her throughout the school years.
Also, many experts believe that children who meet the guideline for entrance have a basic right to start school, and holding them back deprives them of that right.
Yet another issue in the big picture is that consciously holding kids back when they are ready adds another layer of age and skill level to classrooms, most of which already are dealing with a complicated mix of needs. In any given class, a teacher may be faced with a wide spectrum of skill levels, like kids who can read vs. kids who don't know the alphabet or even speak the English language, and the whole variety of special needs. Adding kids who are above the rest of the class in knowledge or skills widens the already wide spectrum even more. We all have a responsibility to work with our schools to make them the best possible environments for all kids, and not a place of competition among them.
FamilyFun: What about those kids who might need a little help? Maybe the attention span isn't there yet, or maybe they haven't had a lot of interaction with other kids in their peer group. What can a parent do to help?
Shelley and Deb: First tune into what kids are really able to do or not do at this age--you might be surprised. Between 4 and 5, attention spans can be short. Most kids this age are able to focus on a task for about five to 10 minutes. Also, kids are just beginning to learn to play with other kids, and fighting is common.
If your child does need help in these areas, and many kids still do, give him opportunities to practice. Invite friends over to play. Help them find things to do together, and to work through fights or conflicts. Encourage focus and attention by offering a variety of things to do that match your child's ability. Comment on it when you notice him concentrating well. Encourage him to stick with an activity for a few minutes longer if he can. Gradually, over time, his attention span and friendships will grow--you can count on it!
FamilyFun: Can a parent help too much? How do you know when you've crossed the line from "helping" to "interfering?"
Shelley and Deb: It's rare to find a parent who doesn't sometimes fall into helping more than they need to. Yet, if you find yourself repeatedly doing things that you know your child can safely do, then you are probably interfering with her natural and unfolding mission to become independent and do things for herself. The great balancing act of parenting is understanding what your child is realistically capable of doing or not doing, then letting her do as much as she can. As you slowly back out of the picture, by the time she is ready to go out into the world, she will be able to manage comfortably and competently on her own.
FamilyFun: Separation anxiety is often an issue at this age. Is there anything parents can do to put their kids at ease?
Shelley and Deb: Sure, there are lots of things we can do before school starts to lessen separation anxiety. Reading books about going to school may help ease worries. There are lots of great ones like MISS BINDERGARTEN GETS READY FOR KINDERGARTEN by Joseph Slate. Ask your librarian for help in finding more. Play pretend about going on the bus, and to school. Visit the school. Tour the classroom, bathrooms, and playground. Meet the teacher, and spend a few minutes talking to him or her with your child before the first day--many districts offer a special time to do this, and even include a bus ride. Show your child any of the places that you suspect he is wondering about. Speak in positives, but in a matter of fact fashion about the first day, and about school in general--don't build it up so much that it becomes stressful just thinking about it.
If fears surface, talk to your child about them, and let him know you take them seriously, then reassure him. For instance, tell him, "I know you can find the bathroom just like you did at your preschool."
Before the first day of school, give the teacher any important information about your child. This way, you can take comfort in knowing that he or she is prepared for your child, and hopefully YOU can feel a little more calm and confidant when you entrust him to the care of another--a big step for most of us with our kindergartners. If you are calm and confident, you can pass those feelings to him when you say good-bye at the door.
On that first day, tell him you have great confidence in him, and you know that his teachers will be right there to help him make the day go well. Remind him that you'll be together at the end of the day, and you'll be anxious to see him and hear all about his day. Then take at least a bit of time for you--to celebrate, cry, or just catch a breath!
