Shelley and Deb: Sometimes, yes. There is a good reason that there are dozens of books out there for parents with titles like HOMEWORK WITHOUT TEARS and for kids like HOW TO DO HOMEWORK WITHOUT THROWING UP and JINGLE BELLS HOMEWORK SMELLS, and that is in part because many kids are given too much or inappropriate homework.
The National PTA and the National Education Association recommend no more than 20 minutes per day for kindergarten through third grade, 20 to 40 minutes per day for fourth through sixth grade, and beyond that, the recommendations vary according to the type of study in high school. But the amount is not the only issue. Experts say that homework should be meaningful, help kids review, explore more fully a topic than can be done in class, or help kids learn to use resources.
Beyond supporting your child in getting homework done, we encourage you to look at the bigger picture and put homework into perspective: How does homework fit into my child's life and the life of my family? Etta Kralovec, one of the authors of THE END OF HOMEWORK, reminds us that our relationship with our child is most important. Kids turn off from school, and battles between parents and kids increase, when too much or the wrong kind of homework is routinely assigned. If your child spends more time than recommended or spends time on assignments that aren't meaningful, that he doesn't understand, or that lead to failure, talk to your child's teacher about a plan for success for your child. Also, ask your principal if the school has a homework policy, and if none exists, suggest that they create one.
FamilyFun: And TV/computer time? What are the guidelines there?
Shelley and Deb: The American Academy of Pediatrics suggests no more than one to two hours of total screen time per day including television, computers, videos, and video games.
FamilyFun: What about "hanging out" with friends? Is that just time wasted, or is it important to a child's development?
Shelley and Deb: Time with friends is important to development at most ages. "Hanging out" with friends is one way that kids in the elementary, middle, and high school years do their work of learning to get along with peers and of breaking away from parents and home. We need to give them space to do it, but they still need help from adults to strike a balance.
All kids can use some "down time" that is unstructured, both alone and with friends, but kids of all ages also need some level of supervision. "Hanging out" for hours with no supervision can lead to trouble. Know where your kids are, know who they're with, know that they understand the expectations and rules if they're unsupervised, and when other adults are supervising, make sure your expectations for supervision match theirs.
Also, for some kids, the draw of the group is so strong, that they need you to set limits that bring them back home so that they are still spending time with family too. Don't be timid about sometimes telling your child that she needs to pass on a great social opportunity to spend time with family.
FamilyFun: So, achieving balance is really key. Any suggestions for setting up an after-school routine that can work for everyone?
Shelley and Deb: It's just not possible to plan one routine that will work for everyone. You may have heard otherwise from various experts, but it's okay for an after-school routine to be different for different kids. Everyone has different needs, strengths, and preferences and a routine that allows for those differences will be more successful. A routine that includes doing homework on the living room floor after dinner may work for some kids while sitting at a quiet desk may work best for others. Some kids like to get their homework done right away after school and then be free the rest of the day, while others need a break from school when they get home.
What is important is to know your child well enough in order to play to his strengths. Then, help your child create a routine that includes time for homework, chores, free time, family time, and time for extra activities. It can be hard to maintain a routine when a piano lesson is after school on one day, basketball practice is after dinner on another, or if a child is living in more than one household, but the more of a routine you can create, while being flexible for the exceptions to the rule, the easier it will be for your child to manage all the elements of his life.
