The Good Deed Jar
This tradition reminds us of a simple truth: you never have control over whether someone does something nice for you, but you always have control over whether you do something kind for someone else. Mary Purpura
Our family: Paolo Pontoniere and Mary Purpura of Hayward, CA, and our kids, Aliseo, age 19, Eli, 18, Silvano, 16, Lucia, 14, Flavia, 13, Nina, 11, Attiano, 10, Liam, 8, Roan, 5
Our tradition: Every year on Ash Wednesday, we put a jar on the kitchen counter next to a bowl of dried black-eyed peas. During Lent, any family member who performs a good deed, such as folding someone else's laundry or making their bed, moves a pea into the jar. On Easter Sunday, the Easter Bunny replaces the peas with jelly beans -- adding a few more for good measure -- and all of us get to enjoy the sweet rewards of being kind.
How we got started: We wanted to link the bounty left by the Easter Bunny to the meaning of Lent. And rather than go the usual route of asking the kids to give up, say, ice cream, we decided to try to build positive habits that -- we hoped -- would outlive the season.
Why it works for us:
The Good Deed Jar encourages us to act kindly in a genuine way -- without any fanfare. The focus is on giving, rather than the reward.
How we celebrate our efforts:
During Easter dinner, everyone is invited to talk about one of the nice things they did for someone else. One of our favorites was when Silvano made all of us special strings of sliding good-deed beads as a way to track how many deeds we'd each accomplished.
Recent revelation: We just learned that several years ago during Lent, Eli forgot to make dinner both times it was his turn. But his lapses went thoroughly undetected by us parents because his sisters covered for him.
Why we love it:
Paolo: It's heartwarming to hear that the children actually enjoy doing things for their brothers, sisters, parents, neighbors, and friends.
Nina: We have fun doing secret things for each other.
Liam: If you do a lot of good deeds, you get a lot of good jelly beans!?
