Most kids can weather changes from one grade to the next easily, but jumping to first grade from kindergarten or from elementary school to middle school is more traumatic. Starting a new school in a new town is even more traumatic. Here you walk a fine line. On the one hand, exude confidence. Give your child the impression that he's fully qualified to manage any challenge the new year presents. At the same time, prepare him for stumbling blocks he might encounter. It's important to keep your sensitive parenting eyes open to unnecessary stress that might affect your child's academic performance.

TIPS

• Explain how school will be different this year from last year. If possible, visit the building, let your child find his classroom, the bathroom and playground. If visiting isn't possible, assure your son or daughter the teacher will guide him through the day.

• State your expectations. Make it clear that school is children's work, it's important. Let them know they're supposed to follow school rules, complete assignments and homework.

• Talk about feelings. Ask your child if he's excited or worried. Don't pooh-pooh those feelings or try to talk him out of them, but don't be controlled by them either. "I understand you're worried; starting school feels scary. Now it's time to get dressed, eat breakfast, then I'll walk you to the bus stop."

• Watch your own feelings. You may feel sad or fearful about your child going off to kindergarten or middle school. If your emotions are too obvious, however, you might spoil your child's enthusiasm for the first day.

• Exude confidence when saying good-bye. If Carl is one who might cry at the classroom door, prepare yourself. Don't waste time talking him into a happy face. Just walk him to the door and say this matter-of-factly: "I know you're frightened; Mrs. McBeth will take care of you." Now turn and walk bravely out the door. Don't look back. Most children separate easily and after a few days, the tears subside.

• Expect tears or misbehavior after school. Beginning school is stressful. Kids must adjust to lots of change, which takes work and concentration. When they get home, they let down. Every child needs down time without pressure to act perfectly.

• Minimize extracurricular activities. Don't plan a heavy schedule with soccer, ballet and piano. Ease into additional activities to discover just how much your child can manage.

• Consistently develop the school time schedule. Each routine--morning, after school, bedtime--can trip some families up. The more consistent you are at first, the quicker each routine is established. Plan for the morning routine first; getting everyone out the door with ease sets the tone for the entire day.