THE MAGIC WORDS

Children learn language by mimicking you. You instill the rudiments of courtesy first and most naturally by using polite language to your children and others. If they hear Mom and Dad saying "please," "thank you," "hello, how are you," etc., they will say the same. Even when disciplining your children, it is possible to be clear, firm, polite and kind all at the same time.

There will be times, however, when you'll feel the need to prompt your child to, for example, "Tell Grandma thank you," and to offer reminders such as "Remember to say 'thank you' and 'good-bye' when we leave the Smiths' house." Sometimes it works best to whisper your cues.

TELEPHONE PROTOCOL

Many parents do business out of their home, and most family social calendars center on phone calls. So teaching kids to use the phone and take messages courteously is essential. Children need to learn to say something like "Hello, this is the Smiths'. My mom can't come to the phone right now. May I take a message?"

And then they need to learn to take that message accurately and see that the person actually receives the message. If Mom can take the call, the child should respond, "Just a minute please, I'll get her," and run to find the parent, rather than scream for Mom to pick up the phone.

It's important for children to use courtesy when making a call, too: "Hello, this is Tom Smith, may I speak with Bill, please?" And if you have call waiting, you can teach your child to politely put off one caller for the sake of another call coming in.

TABLE MANNERS

For kids who eat frequently in fast-food restaurants where there's little attention to table manners, it's harder to educate them for family dinners and dining out. But kids need to learn to sit at the table, not getting up and down at will, to put their napkin on their lap, to properly use a knife, fork and spoon, and not to talk when food's in their mouth.

Be careful not to make dinner a setting for manners instruction only. It is important to keep a relaxed atmosphere for family dining. Children are receptive to learning only little bits of etiquette at a time.