YOUR OWN ATTITUDE

To some, politeness equates to a child being a wimp, a people pleaser or a "yes" man. On the one hand, parents want their children to be assertive and confident and to stand up for themselves, even question a teacher when they feel they didn't receive the grade they deserve. But on the other hand, parents cringe when the "in-your-face" confrontational stance appropriate for the sidelines of a football game shows up at home with them or in school with teachers.

So watch that you don't give mixed messages. You can teach your child to stand up for herself in a polite and respectful way.

PEERS

Young children defer to you for what to do in social situations; later, they turn to their peers. That's why it's so important to teach the habits of courteous behavior when children are preschoolers and keep those up at home, even if they're temporarily forgotten when your children are surrounded by peers.

For parents whose community supports and expects mannerly conduct from all children, teaching courteous behavior comes easier. Just realize, if you expect your children to be polite, and their peers scoff at it, your job will be tougher.

TEENS

No matter how you approach instilling manners, some teens will reject much of your etiquette education. Despite this dismissal, keep at it. Explain the conventional approach. Maybe your teenage daughter won't change her behavior now, but someday when she's a bank executive and lunching with the bank president, she'll retrieve your manners curriculum that has been hibernating for years.