THE DON'TS:
• Don't expect perfection and constantly criticize your child's work.• Don't expect your child to perform when tired or hungry.
• Don't expect kids to work nonstop. They need breaks.
• Don't make comparisons: "Your sister always got As in English. Why can't you?"
• Don't complete assignments for your children. The teacher gets a distorted view of what your child knows.
WHEN TO PUSH
There are clearly lots of cautions for this new active approach to academic excellence, but go ahead, push a little and see what happens; you can always pull back. Encourage and challenge your child to learn more, because the active brain makes for a satisfying life. The dull, unchallenged mind leads to lifelong frustration.
WHEN TO BACK OFF
Between some parents and children, however, the chemistry for assistance with academics just doesn't work. Power struggles erupt, the child resists and schoolwork deteriorates. Now it's time to call the teacher, hire a tutor or back off completely, allowing your child to come to terms on his own with his academic responsibilities.
If you drop out, do it in the following manner: "You know that in our family schoolwork is important. You're smart, you can do the work. I'm confident you'll figure it out on your own."
And when your child does well and receives a good grade, don't attribute it to luck or chance. Instead, say, "You got a B+ on your history test; good for you. Your grade reflects your hard work."
Rather than focusing only on grades, show genuine interest in what your child
is learning and doing in school: "You're coloring a map of the United States.
I'll show you the states I've been to; let's count them," or "You're learning
about the Holocaust. Do you think such horror could occur today?" When kids
go to school to learn, good grades follow. Your sincere interest supports
acquiring knowledge.
Jan Faull, a child-development and behavior specialist, is in her
25th year as a parent-education instructor and public speaker. She is
the author of the recently published
