Why Back Talk's Not So Bad

When his daughter Tillie was just six, Mike Crehore could defuse an argument between them with a simple question. "Is this the first time you've ever been a kid at this age?" Crehore, 42, a team-building consultant and musician in New York City, would ask his daughter. "Yeah," she would say. "Well, this is the first time I've ever been a father at this age," Crehore would reply, "so let's lighten up on each other."

That was then. Now when Tillie, 10, gets mad, she stomps her feet, cries and talks back to her mother. "I hate you," she says. And just try to calm her down. The old method? Old hat. "Oh, Dad," Tillie says.

Back talk like Tillie's may drive parents crazy, but experts say it's important to pay close attention to the message behind it. Encourage your child's effort to communicate while discouraging his or her method. The results could have important implications for the future--a parent and child who have conquered back talk will be well equipped for dealing with adolescence.



Jonathan Sapers is a New York-based freelance writer and the parent of a two-year-old daughter.