Development: Helping Kids Cope with Name-Calling - and More Great Family Fun Party Ideas

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Development: Helping Kids Cope with Name-Calling

Helping Kids Cope with Name-Calling

My 12-year-old daughter started a new school this year. She's made many new friends, but I think some of them are using her. She says that some girls at school call her names like "prostitute." Her friends tell her just to ignore the girls, but sometimes that's hard to do. She acts like it doesn't bother her, but I can tell how upset she is. She dresses like normal kids her age, so the name-calling has nothing to do with that. How can I make sure this situation doesn't affect her badly in any way?

Answer When it comes to social relationships, girls between the ages of 11 and 13 exhibit some of the worst behavior. The girls your daughter has encountered at school are bullying her. Yes, girls can be bullies. They're not physically aggressive as boys are; instead, they shun others, make snide comments and call those outside their circle nasty names.

THE BEST DEFENSE
The best defense against these girls is a retort such as, "I'm not a _________. Leave me alone," then a quick turn away from the group in the opposite direction. Help your daughter practice this at home, using a firm voice and strong body language. Don't let her take the role of a victim. Ignoring these girls is impossible--they know your daughter hears them, they know it hurts.

CULTIVATING FRIENDSHIPS
Has your daughter befriended any kind and trustworthy girls this year at her new school? If she has, do all you can to support those friendships. If not, ask the teacher if there is another girl who doesn't have a friend with whom your daughter might develop a friendship. If neither of these options help your daughter on the road to friendships, encourage her to join a group in school, such as student government, or a group outside of school, maybe a religious or community service organization.

Whatever happens, be friendly and affectionate yourself. Make sure she knows this situation is not her fault. When children feel rejected by peers at school, they need extra acceptance at home. If there's no one at school for support, and no one at home, it's too much for any child to bear.

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