Our 2 1/2-year-old daughter has started crying over every little thing. When we say no to her she cries; when her movie is over she cries; when her little sister starts to crawl over to her, she cries. I give her plenty of hugs and kisses, but her crying makes me want to distance myself from her.

Do you have any suggestions on what we can do to help her through these times of distress? Please help--this is hard on our whole family.

Some toddlers throw temper tantrums, others cry. They want their way and when they're denied, they become distressed. So what can you do to stop all those tears? Your goal is to help your child learn to express frustration with words rather than with tears. At first, you'll need to put her concerns into words; as you do, she'll learn from you and eventually speak for herself.

So when your daughter cries because you denied her another cookie, comfort her and say empathetically, "You're sad because Mommy won't let you have another cookie. You can cry, but you can't have the cookie."

Do the same thing when a movie ends and she responds with tears. Comfort her until the crying subsides and say sensitively: "You liked that movie, you're sad because it's over, aren't you?" When your baby crawls toward her causing tears to flow, respond similarly: "You don't like the baby moving toward you, it's frustrating for you." After she's calmed down, you can take a moment to explain why she couldn't have another cookie, watch the movie again, or why her sister likes to be with her. When the strong emotions have subsided, she'll be better able to hear your reason.

NOW THE DON'TS:
•Don't isolate or reject her for crying.
•Don't try to talk her out of her tears by saying, "This is no reason to cry."
•Don't expect her to immediately return to a smiling face; allow time for her sadness to dissolve.
•Don't give in. No need to watch the movie again, move sister away or change your "no" to a "yes." You don't want her to learn that tears move you to change your mind or remedy the situation for her.

In time this plan will end all those tears, but more importantly, it will help your daughter develop enough emotional strength to manage many of life's ups and downs.

For further reading, try THE EMOTIONAL LIFE OF THE TODDLER by Alicia Leiberman (Free Press) and THE HEART OF PARENTING by John Gottman (Simon & Schuster).