I try very hard to be a perfect mother and to show my three children (ages 2, 7 and 13) that I love them, but it's hard for me because I don't think my parents loved me--at least they never showed it. I don't want to pass this down to my children, so I buy them lots of things and make it a point to tell them every day that I love them. But I want them to not only know I love them, but to feel that love, too. Do you have any suggestions?

An admirable question: Not only do you realize it's not enough just to love your children, you're seeking ways to demonstrate your love.

Here's a list of ways to communicate your love--keep it handy as a reminder:

1. Express affection.
As you send your kids off to school, tell them you love them. As they do their homework, offer another quiet "I love you." Even rebellious teens can't reject a dose of heartfelt affection.

2. Communicate love with a gentle touch.
It's the silent expression of love. With toddlers and preschoolers it's easy. As kids get older, it's harder. But school-age children still need time on your lap, and they'll welcome a pat on the back and hugs. Even teens usually like massages and back-scratching, though they often reject hugs.

3. Brag to others about your kids and let them overhear.
If someone compliments your son or daughter, repeat it to the child. A little boasting doesn't produce conceited children, it creates children who are quietly self-assured.

4. Observe your children.
As one plays with dolls, stop to watch. When another practices the piano, sit down and listen. Sound too simple? It's a subtle way to say "I love you" with only your eyes and ears.

5. Help them out.
If your child is struggling to locate her backpack, lunch and coat as she's running out the door to catch the school bus, help her out. If your children decide to build a fort but are frustrated gathering the materials and developing the plans, step in and help. Don't take over, just help.

6. Support their interests and hobbies.
Go to dance recitals, school performances, soccer games. Hunt through baseball card shops for that special card. Children's interests are important; when you support their interests, you're proving your love.

7. Express love and limits at the same time.
It's your job to create reasonable boundaries for behavior. Indifferent and wishy-washy parenting says you don't have the energy to care. Telling your children "no" and following through is a powerful expression of love.

8. Notice what your kids do that's right.
"You carried your plate from the table to the counter, and I really appreciate that." "I'm so proud of you for thanking Grandma for the cookies. Such nice manners." By noticing and reinforcing positive behavior, you're saying "I love you" in a different way.

9. Open up the lines of communication.
Learn the technique of completing the cycle of the conversation. When your child says, "My friend Mary is moving to Chicago," don't respond with, "Don't worry, you'll find another friend." Ask instead, "When is she moving?" This question says, "I heard what you said, I'm interested, and I want to hear more." Interest proves love.

10. Cheer your children on.
Notice baby steps toward competency. Whether it's reading, basketball or planting seeds, offer encouragement. And when they experience disappointment or failure, be there to wipe those tears.