My three-year-old twins are very attached to each other. They keep to themselves even when they are at preschool. How do I help them accept other children? I tried separating them but they get very moody when they are apart. Unfortunately, when they are together they fight a lot. Please advise.

As you know, twins share a bond like no other two people. They only know life with each other. Somehow your twins don't feel complete unless the other is near. For now, there's no need to maneuver them away from one another. They each feel best and most able to cope with their day—especially new situations like preschool—when the other is right at her side. Right now, they work to their optimum intellectually, and feel safest emotionally, when they are together.

Of course, they'll fight too. All siblings do. Sometimes you'll have to step in and end the battle, but be sure there are times when you show them how to share, negotiate, and take turns. Sometimes, let them battle it out on their own as long as they're not hurting one another.

A GRADUAL SEPARATION
Eventually they'll branch out and experience social relationships separate from one another. Their first "outside" friendship will most likely be a child with whom both of them share and play nicely. In elementary school, they'll probably be placed in separate classrooms, providing an opportunity for individual friendships to flourish.

For now, trust their need to stay attached, and let them pace their separation. If you force it, you'll only magnify their current clinginess. Gradually they'll move apart on their own as they pursue their individual interests.

If you want them to learn to cope a little without the other, separate them in a less demanding setting than the preschool classroom. For instance, you might take one with you to the grocery store, leaving the other with Dad or Grandma. Switch children for the next outing. This allows you to build your relationship with each child while they learn to cope without the other.

In the meantime, you can do subtle things to help them see themselves as individuals, not just part of a pair. Refer to them by each of their names, rather than "the twins." Don't dress them identically. Point out their unique likes and dislikes—favorite foods or comfort objects. Right now they may think of themselves as one person in two bodies. Your job is to teach them to think of themselves not so much as "we," but as "me and my sister."