Almost all children display aggressive behavior at certain stages of development. This behavior usually appears by the latter half of the second year. Two- and three-year-olds are especially prone to aggressive actions, including temper tantrums, fighting, kicking and biting.
For toddlers, physical aggression is a common way of expressing anger. While children under three are not mature enough to realize that hitting and shoving can hurt others, preschoolers may be aware of the effects of their behavior but unable to control their impulses.
Parents sometimes reinforce aggressive behavior by giving in to children's tantrums. Unfortunately, our cultural norms sometimes encourage aggression in boys (particularly against other boys) as proof of masculinity.
WHAT CAUSES AGGRESSION?
Over the years, the experts have held different views on the origins or aggression. Sigmund Freud saw aggressive behavior as an outgrowth of self-destructive impulses that are an inevitable part of being human. Another theory, developed in the late 1930s, held that aggression is a result of frustration. Later, however, psychologists concluded that frustration is not necessarily involved in aggression, although it may increase aggressive behavior.
At present, many experts believe that children learn aggression from parents, peers or other role models. Once learned, aggression may be reinforced with extra attention. Biological factors are also believed to play a role in the development of aggression, especially when the behavior is severe and highly disruptive.
IS PROFESSIONAL HELP NECESSARY?
Most children are only mildly aggressive. As they learn to put their feelings into words, they find more acceptable ways to deal with anger and frustration.
If your child's aggression seems excessive—creating problems at school as well as at home, for example—seek professional help from a social worker, child psychologist or guidance clinic. Most treatment programs for children with behavior problems involve both parents and children.
GENERAL HINTS FOR PREVENTING OR REDUCING AGGRESSION
• If you know what situations trigger aggression in your child, try to avoid them.
• If possible, eliminate underlying stresses and anxieties that may cause aggressive behavior.
• Use a time-out—briefly isolating the child immediately after the aggressive behavior occurs. Rather than scolding or physically punishing the child, place him in a quiet room or on a chair in the corner for a short period of time (many experts recommend one minute per year in age) in order to cool off.
• Try not to use physical punishment. It may stop aggression temporarily, but there is evidence that in the long run such punishment may actually increase aggressive behavior, probably because it conveys the idea that hitting is okay.
• Reward nonaggressive behavior.
• Reduce the time your child spends with playmates who engage in aggressive behavior.
• Limit the amount of violence young children watch in movies and on television.
• When children reach the age of four or five, talk to them about ways to express their anger without hurting others. Reassure the child that angry thoughts and feelings are normal, and suggest a coping method, such as punching a bag or pillow to cool off.
A FIVE-STEP PROGRAM TO REDUCE AGGRESSION
• Make a colorful chart with a space for each day of the week. If the child is quite young, divide each day into smaller intervals to accommodate a shorter attention span. Hang the chart on the wall.
• For each time the child does not display aggression, give the child a sticker and help him place it on the chart. Say, "Good, you didn't hit" (or bite or kick, etc.).
• Supplement the sticker with a snack or treat or a few minutes of special attention.
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After the child has gone a whole week without aggression (or a shorter time for a younger child), show him the stickers on the chart, and say, "You haven't hit (or kicked, bitten, fought, etc.) for a whole week. Now, you've earned a special reward." This reward can be an outing with a parent, an extra period of time alone with mother, or anything you know your child would like. It should be unusual enough to motivate the child strongly.
• When the child is aggressive, say, "No hitting." At the end of the day or interval, show the child the chart and say, "You didn't get a sticker this time because you hit."
