Imaginary Friends

WHY DO CHILDREN MAKE UP IMAGINARY FRIENDS?
Imaginary friends help children deal with the normal anxieties of growing up. They often come into being at times of change or stress. For example, if a favorite friend moves away, the child may replace him with an imaginary friend. The birth of a new sibling may prompt a child to make up a playmate who isn't interested in the new baby. Likewise, the hospitalization of a parent, the death of a relative or neglect on the part of a parent may cause a child to adopt an imaginary friend.

Imaginary friends also help children cope with being alone from time to time. For some children, they serve the same function as favorite toys and worn-out blankets. The "friend" or comfort object helps the child face the dark alone or deal with an unfamiliar situation.

WHAT OTHER PURPOSES DO IMAGINARY FRIENDS SERVE?
Imaginary friends usually have names and well-developed personalities. Often, they are somewhat mischievous or naughty, allowing the child to express negative feeling and actions without having to take full ownership of them. For instance, an imaginary friend may strongly dislike certain foods, letting the child voice opinions about dinner without taking responsibility. Asked about a mess he made, a child may well blame the imaginary friend instead of confessing.

RESPONDING TO A CHILD WITH AN IMAGINARY FRIEND
By listening to the "conversations" your child has with an imaginary friend, you may be able to discern some of the child's fears and conflicts. For example, a child who talks often about a playmate who will never leave is probably afraid of abandonment. Talking about the issues and reassuring the child may help ease these fears.

Parents often wonder whether the child really believes the imaginary friend exists. Children may vigorously defend the existence of their imaginary friend, but they usually know that they are just pretend. In fact, your child's imaginary friend may quickly disappear in the presence of strangers or other children who might make fun of the fantasy.

There is no harm in playing along wih your child's imagination. In fact, trying to convince your child that an imaginary friend doesn't exist may lead to unnecessary conflict. Most children will say good-bye to their imaginary friends as soon as they feel able to deal with their fears and negative feelings by themselves.

GETTING HELP
Call your doctor if your child:

• Spends a significant part of each day talking about and playing with an imaginary friend (this preoccupation could be a sign of deep insecurity)

• Is over age four and has continuing problems playing with other children in normal situations or withdraws into an imaginative world a good deal of the time (in this case, the doctor may refer you to a psychologist to help determine the nature of the problem)

Excerpt from THE DISNEY ENCYCLOPEDIA OF BABY & CHILD CARE, © 1995 DSH Communications, Inc. This material is based on current medical research and, to the best of the editors' knowledge and understanding, is accurate and valid. However the reader should not use information contained in this material to alter a medically prescribed regimen or as a form of self-treatment, without seeking the advice of a licensed physician.