Take steps while your child is very young to prevent alcohol and other drug use later; don't wait until you think she has a problem. The attitudes and habits that your child learns in early childhood will be the foundation for decisions she makes later in her life. Show her that you love her, that she can trust you, and that she can talk to you about any problem.
WHAT A PARENT SHOULD DO
• Teach positive values or standards about right and wrong. School-age children, teens, and adults often are able to say no to alcohol or other drugs because they have strong beliefs against using them based on the values they have been taught at home.
• Make and enforce rules. Be specific, be consistent, and be reasonable. With a young child, set rules about playing fair, telling the truth, sharing toys, etc.
• Learn about alcohol, tobacco, and other drugs. Know their effects on the mind and body, and the symptoms of their use, misuse, and addiction; this will help you to honestly monitor your own habits, and to be able to give accurate information to your child when she asks for it.
• Talk to your child and really listen to her. Make sure she learns that she can bring any of her problems and questions to you.
• Give your child opportunities to be competent and successful. Praise her for the many things she does right. This will teach her to feel good about herself and develop her self-confidence.
• Model good behavior. Your child watches you very closely, and copies your actions. She learns by example: if she sees you having a drink every day to unwind after work, she will come to believe it is the way to relax.
• Create opportunities for your child to safely make choices in everyday life. Show her that you believe in her ability to make good decisions by giving her the opportunities to make choices: "Would you like to wear white or red socks today?" or "Why don't you choose the fruit for snack today?"
• Teach her how to get along with other people. When she is a school-age child or teen, she may be less likely to try drugs if she is not shy or does not feel clumsy socially.
• Set aside regular times to give your child your attention and have fun with you: play a game, read a book, go for a walk, or look at the stars.
Work to build trust and respect between you and your child, and to keep the lines of communication open. Talk to her throughout her childhood at a level she can understand, about the prevalence and dangers of alcohol and drug misuse. Communicate your love for her and your desire for her to be drug and alcohol free.
--Ideas found in "Growing Up Drug Free: A Parent's Guide To Prevention,"
U.S. Department of Education.
HOW TO TALK TO YOUR CHILD?
Talk to your child about drugs, alcohol, and smoking using words and ideas that she can understand at her age. Change the information you give her as she grows in understanding, adding more complex ideas as you go. Most two- to four-year-olds will not ask questions about these matters. If they do, you can adapt the following answers to fit their questions.
If your four to six-year-old asks if smoking is bad for you, you might say, "It always is bad for you. It hurts the smoker's lungs and heart, and also the lungs and heart of the people around the smoker. It is very hard to stop smoking, so it is better never to start at all."
If a four- to six-year-old asks what alcohol is, you might say, "Alcohol is a chemical that is in some drinks like wine and beer. Drinking a little alcohol makes people feel relaxed, but drinking too much makes people get out of control and feel sick. So, a little bit of alcohol isn't bad for most grown-ups, but too much can act like a poison. Children should never drink alcohol."
--Ideas found in QUESTIONS CHILDREN ASK & HOW TO ANSWER THEM by Miriam Stoppard,
DK Publishing, 1997.
PREVENT YOUR CHILD FROM SMOKING
Take steps to prevent your child from starting smoking:
• Don't smoke, or if you do smoke, don't smoke in front of her. Don't let her handle your cigarettes, pipe, cigar, or matches.
• Don't allow smoking in your home, including older siblings and visitors; ask everyone to smoke outside if they have to smoke at all.
• Make it clear to your child that you don't approve of smoking.
• Warn her about the dangers of smoking.
--Ideas found in "Children and Smoking: A Message to Parents,"
American Heart Association, 1996.
THINK OF THE CHILD
If you are concerned that you or someone in your family is abusing drugs or alcohol, consider how the abuse might be impacting your child and reach out for help. A parent's alcohol or drug dependence has a negative impact on a child in many ways; it typically:
• Causes a variety of difficult feelings, including shame, guilt, pain, loneliness, resentment, general frustration, and/or loack of confidence in a child.
• Models inappropriate use of alcohol and drugs that the child is likely to copy as a young adult and adult.
• Causes the child to focus attention on developing survival skills to help her cope with the stress of her environment, instead of developing the positive, typical life skills needed to become a healthy adult.
• Causes the child to miss out on having the security of a home where parents are fully available to help her thrive and grow.
Additionally, the child may suffer from a wide range of developmental problems if the mother used drugs or alcohol during pregnancy.
The most important things you can do for your child are to openly acknowledge the problem and to get help for both of you from someone outside of the family. Consider getting help from:
• A therapist/counselor; look for one with a good background in chemical dependency, family systems, and the developmental needs of children.
• A self-help group for yourself, and a support group for your child. 12-step programs like Alcoholics Anonymous are organizations that support and encourage adults as they recover from alcohol or drug dependency. Al-anon, Alateen, Alatot, and Children Are People are examples of programs designed to help either adults or children solve the problems that are typical when living with an alcoholic or other drug-dependent person. These support groups are free and designed to help you and your family within the safety of a group of people who all have the same concerns as you do. You will not be asked to give your name unless you choose to, and there are rules about keeping all of the information shared in a group confidential.
--Ideas found in PARENTING FOR PREVENTION: HOW TO RAISE A CHILD TO SAY NO TO ALCOHOL AND
OTHER DRUGS by David J. Wilmes, Hazelden, 1995.
