Part of effective parenting is to praise our children. If we want them to grow up strong and confident, we need to affirm them along the way. When, for example, your toddler first learns to stack one block on top of the other, she probably feels internally pleased with her accomplishment. As a loving parent, you can increase her sense of competence and self-esteem by sitting beside her, quietly observing, and then describing the accomplishment--"Look, you stacked the blue block on top of the red block, and the yellow block on top of the blue block"--followed by an affirming, "Good for you." This kind of praise benefits your child and her development.

But sometimes praise can be a problem. If parents' praise is too frequent, it may transform children into praise addicts, constantly seeking approval and becoming overly competitive with peers and siblings. When praise is extreme and unrealistic--"you're gorgeous," "you're the smartest"--it can cause children to internalize feelings of pressure and perfectionism. Doubting they'll ever live up to their parents' expectations, they become either overachievers or underachievers.

Read on for healthy ways to praise your child, plus tips for avoiding the parent-child praise trap.

Jan Faull, a child-development and behavior specialist, is in her 25th year as a parent-education instructor and public speaker. She is the author of the recently-published UNPLUGGING POWER STRUGGLES as well as MOMMY! I HAVE TO GO POTTY!, a guide to toilet training. Faull lives with her husband and three children in Renton, Washington.