WHY IT'S HARMFUL: A threat is an exaggerated statement of impending harm that parents use to intimidate or terrorize a child, e.g., "I'll break every bone in your body if you don't behave." Threats create a climate of fear and make a child feel that he is living in an unsafe and hostile world. A threat of abandonment is particularly traumatic to children, since they are so vulnerable and dependent on their parents for basic survival needs.

WHAT TO SAY INSTEAD: Children should receive warnings not threats. A warning is a realistic "if-then" statement of what will happen to a child if he continues to misbehave, e.g., "If you try to pinch your sister again, you'll have to go to time-out."

GUILT TRIPS

"How could you do that after all I've done for you?"

"You'll be the death of me yet!"

WHY IT'S HARMFUL: Children who are made to feel guilty for normal mistakes or problems that are beyond their control will come to believe that they are responsible for every negative thing that happens in a family, leading to an overwhelming sense of guilt. Excessive guilt can inhibit a child's engagement in new or autonomous behaviors for fear of offending a parent.

WHAT TO SAY INSTEAD: "It's wrong to take something belonging to someone else without asking permission. How would you feel if your brother took something from your room without asking?"