Instilling Values

IDENTIFY YOUR VALUES: Think about what you value, and then, with a subtle approach, intentionally instill those values in your children.

•The Smiths are readers. They wish to pass along this passion to their children, and they're not going to leave it to chance.

SET A GOOD EXAMPLE: Whatever values you wish to instill in your children, it's essential to model the values you cherish.

•Mr. and Mrs. Smith, of course, read themselves, and they're around their children enough for the children to daily witness their parent's interest in books, magazines and newspapers.

INVOLVE YOUR CHILDREN: From a young age, include your children in what you value. Let them participate as much as they can for their particular developmental level.

•The Smiths read to their children and take them to the library and bookstores. Each child has a bookshelf in his or her bedroom.

CREATE POSITIVE ASSOCIATIONS: When instilling a value, be sure to surround your children with love and nurturing. Don't be harsh, demanding or forceful.

•It's easy for the Smiths to create positive associations with reading because as parents read, they hold their children on their laps. Love is easily passed from parent to child through this process, establishing feelings of love for reading.

LIMIT CRITICISM: Criticism often turns children away from an activity. They get the message that they're incapable of completing the task competently. So, it's better to focus on what parts of the valued activity the child does correctly.

•When their children read and stumble across words, the Smiths don't pressure for a perfect performance. They exhibit patience as they coach each child to reading competency.

POINT OUT THE VALUE'S IMPORTANCE: Without lecturing, skillfully point out what the value means to you and how you use it in your own life.

•Carrie Smith might say something like, "I'm never bored because I always have a book to read," and "I learned about the Civil War from reading GONE WITH THE WIND."

SET RULES: Every pursuit requires some discipline. Don't be afraid to set rules and disciplinary guidelines around the values you're attempting to instill in your children.

•When busy schedules began to interfere with reading time, the Smith's imposed this rule: "In our family, there's no TV, telephone or extracurricular activities between 7 and 8 P.M. weekdays. It's designated time for homework and quiet reading."

DON'T COMPARTMENTALIZE: In all families there are particular times to get fully involved in the valued activity. But usually parents' values seep into some part of every day.

•There is a designated reading time in the Smith household, but whether it's travel, cooking or gardening, there's always a book open for reference.

To the Smiths, reading lays the foundation for intellectual pursuits, teaches about life now and in the past and creates interesting, knowledgeable individuals. This is what they truly value, and this is what they convey to their children.