Getting a New Pet After One Dies

We have recently put our cat, Turnip, to sleep, and I'm wondering whether we should get another kitten right away or if it's better to wait awhile. We all loved Turnip very much, and he was only six years old. I am most worried about my 16-year-old daughter as Turnip was more her cat than anyone else's, and she thinks she may feel disloyal to Turnip if we get another cat.

This is a very common question. Many people are torn between the fear of being without a pet and the guilt of replacing one that they loved. Each person responds in a different way. I have had some pet owners euthanatize a pet and return to my office an hour later with a new one as they refuse to walk into an empty home. Others have been unable to ever have a pet again, either because they suffered the loss too greatly and are protecting themselves from future grief, or because they feel they will never love a pet as much as the one that passed away.

It might help your daughter not to feel disloyal to Turnip if she remembers that you can never duplicate a relationship you have with a pet, and can never replace the love you felt for a certain pet. Every animal has its own personality. For kids, the loss of a pet usually represents the loss of a large portion of their lives. Usually a pet is their oldest friend and best confidant. Many adults have pets that live into their teens, exceeding the lengths of most friendships and even some marriages, and the death of a pet results in a loss of how we define ourselves. Our sense of security and normalcy are gone with the passing of that pet. Many people can tell me how old their pet is based on events in their lives: "We got our cat the day before Thanksgiving when I was a junior in college" or "My children gave me this puppy for my 50th birthday, so that would make her 10 now." Many pets are a support system for children going through a difficult adolescence or adults having health, marital or business problems. One client who went through the trials of drug addiction told me that if she hadn't had the responsibility of her cat, she would have ended her life.

I would tell your daughter that another cat could never replace Turnip, and that the part of her life shared with Turnip will never be experienced again. The good news is that the next pet will be a part of her entry into adulthood and will mark time in a different way. What Turnip received from your daughter is special to that time in her life, and no cat will never get that kind of attention from her again.

With all this in mind, your daughter has to feel emotionally ready to take on a new pet. Usually a month or two needs to pass before the hurt is gone. At first, most people have a hard time warming up to a new pet, frequently making comparisons to the previous one. Then one day something clicks, and they are totally in love with their new pet.

Dr. Peter Kross, DVM, has had his own veterinary practice, the Rivergate Veterinary Clinic in New York City, since 1989. He lives in Manhattan with his three white boxers, Buchanan, Wilhelmina and Laila.