Peer problems strike most children from time to time. When this happens, you need to listen to your child's feelings, and then, when his tears subside, offer small bits of advice. Accepting and understanding his emotions will provide your child with the strength to face those same kids tomorrow. Rejection from friends and rejection at home are too much for any child to bear.

Don't dismiss the sadness your six-year-old feels when her best friend moves away. For her, it's a major loss. Step in and be her best friend until she finds a new one. If your ten-year-old laments that she'll never be popular, let her complain without lecturing. Then help her find new ways to fit in that conform with your values.

When to butt in...and stay out. All parents dread the notion of peer pressure. Your job is to help your child during the school years to get involved with positive groups, whether it's sports, scouts, student government, or a hobby, interest or activity group. Positive group involvement often prevents the need for kids to get involved in a group whose interest is negative: drugs, ultra-exotic clothes, loitering, vandalizing, etc.

Even the best of friends have ups and downs, and many parents wonder how and when to intervene. Your eight-year-old son and his friend are fighting in the back yard. What do you do: Go out there and coach them to a solution? Send the friend home and your son to his room? Launch into a speech about how friends don't treat each other this way? Or do you do nothing and hope they work it out?

Depending on the kids, and the situation, any one of those options might be appropriate. But generally speaking, the less you get involved, the more your child will learn about peer relations. Sometimes the solutions kids come up with aren't the ones mature adults would pick. But they eventually figure out what is fair and how to get along.

One friend can make the difference. Many parents worry that their children don't have enough friends, but the only time to really be concerned is when they have no friends. If you notice that your ten-year-old spends lots of time alone, is frequently sick, and chooses to spend time with much younger children or adults, talk to his teacher or scout leader. See if they can match your child up with a good playmate. Invite this child over for an afternoon, then see if they have a good time. One positive experience may be enough to renew your child's confidence and help him rebuild his social skills.

You might also help your child find a playmate who's a year older or younger. Children of slightly different ages often accommodate each other better in play.

Some children have an unusually difficult time reading social cues and modifying their behavior around their peers. Some are simply late bloomers, others may have Attention Deficit Disorder. In these cases, it often helps for a teacher or parent to coach the child in the social skills they don't come by naturally. These skills include:

•Participation (how to get started and the importance of paying attention)

•Cooperation (the importance of taking turns and sharing materials)

•Communication (the importance of talking with others and listening)

•Being friendly and nice (the importance of smiling, helping and encouraging others)