How can I teach my daughter to swim if she will "never" allow water above her neck?

First of all, realize that children usually learn to swim at about the same age they learn to ride a bike--around 6 1/2. Some learn much younger, others later. Most parents, of course, want their children to be comfortable around water in the early years so that, when they are physically coordinated enough to swim, they have no fears or dislikes that might prevent them from learning.

Here are some ways you might gradually disarm your child's fear of water:

• When you wash her hair, let some water drip down her neck and face. Don't ask if you can dump a cup of water on her head, just give a warning and then do it. Let her dry off quickly, offer praise for bravery. If she screams, it's OK; she will eventually learn to manage this short-lived distress. Gradually increase the number of dumps of water as the child learns to tolerate the water.

• Take the child swimming with you, and play in the water. Let a little splash on her head. Have fun, and demonstrate how to wipe and shake water off the neck and head.

• Include two dolls at bath time. Pretend one's afraid of getting water on her head but the other one loves diving and swimming under water. Call the first one Landlover, the other Waterbaby. Children often learn to manage their fears through play.

• When it's time for swimming lessons, you may need to stay away from the swimming pool if emotions between you and your child become too enmeshed. Look for a skilled and experienced instructor who works effectively with reluctant swimmers, then trust the teacher to handle your child.