Two weeks ago my two-year-old daughter began waking in the middle of the night with nightmares.

At first she'd go back to sleep after a quick backrub and a kiss; then she wanted to sleep next to me. We did this a few times when it was near daybreak, but now she wakes up as early as 11 P.M., demanding to come into my bed.

She refuses to lie down in her crib and I've tried letting her cry it out to no avail. I'm at my wit's end--and tired.

Two-year-olds are ripe for dreams and nightmares. Their memories are developing at full tilt, so troubles or thoughts from the day often surface in their sleep; when they wake in the middle of the night, they're uncertain if what they've experienced is real or fantasy, and the confusion keeps sleep at bay.

Of course, most people experience nighttime wakefulness at some point, and everyone who does must learn to fall back to sleep. But managing those scary, distorted memories we call dreams takes time and maturity.

Your daughter is, of course, comforted by your presence and would prefer sleeping with you. You obviously want your child to sleep independently--for some families, it's the only way to secure a good night's sleep for everyone involved.

When your daughter wakes from a nightmare, go to her room, comfort her as you have with a quick back rub and a kiss, then leave. Make sure her night-light is on, and give her a blanket or teddy bear for comfort and company.

Now sit or lay outside her door, and say every five minutes until she falls asleep, "It's time to go to sleep; good night." Use these exact same words in a monotone voice. She will cry, but remember that you've got fatigue working on your side. And besides, you haven't deserted her, you're right outside her door. You are simply giving her the opportunity to learn to fall back to sleep on her own.

Trying to talk her into falling back to sleep independently is a waste of words and actually reinforces the routine because she's getting your attention. If you really want her to manage the night independently, you have to step out of the picture. If you cajole her back to sleep--or if you allow her in your bed--you'll be starting a habit that will be difficult to break.

On the other hand, realize that many families sleep together in the same room or bed. If you decide you can't manage closing the door on her and hearing her cry, let her in your bed or have her sleep next to you on the floor on a mattress.