I'm due with my first baby in two months. Every parent I know says to me, "Sleep while you can," as if I won't get a single night of rest for years to come. I'd like to do what I can to get my baby into a good sleep routine from the start--or at least to avoid making as many mistakes as I can. Any suggestions?

First do some reading. I recommend SOLVE YOUR CHILD'S SLEEP PROBLEMS by Richard Ferber, THE SLEEP BOOK FOR TIRED PARENTS: A PRACTICAL GUIDE TO SOLVING CHILDREN'S SLEEP PROBLEMS by Rebecca Huntley and THE FAMILY BED: AN AGE OLD CONCEPT IN CHILD REARING by Tine Thevenin. This selection represents an array of sleep "philosophies."

EVERY FAMILY IS DIFFERENT
The goal you'll be shooting for is to get your child to fall asleep on his own at bedtime and again when he awakens during the night. How and when this occurs depends on many factors. For some children it's three months, for others it's three years or even older.

From the start, your infant will most likely need you to feed him once, twice or three times in the night--maybe even more during growth spurts. But beyond waking out of hunger, many babies need to be reassured during the night that they haven't been abandoned.

If you'd like to foster independent sleep from the start, you should always try to put your baby in his bed when he's sleepy but still awake. Of course, most babies fall asleep while nursing or being given a bottle; when that happens, you might gently wake him just before you settle him into bed.

One trick that might help is to give your baby a small blanket that he keeps with him when he's nursing and in bed. This "transitional object" will have your scent on it and may be a comfort when he wakes.

Of course, that approach won't work for all babies--blanket or no blanket. Just remember, many parents sleep with their child, others rock and nurse the child willingly each time he wakes. If it's not a problem for the family, it's not a problem. No matter how many of your friends and relatives make helpful suggestions, how you deal with sleep issues is a personal decision.

A GENTLE, GRADUAL APPROACH
But if a few months into parenting you find that you're ready for your baby to sleep independently, and he resists the change, it's your job to very gradually withdraw your presence as he nods off. One method goes like this: If you normally hold or lie down with your baby as he goes to sleep (or when he wakes up at night), try simply sitting next to him and laying your hand on him as he nods off. Each night, take your hand off a bit sooner, until, after a week or so, you just sit next to him.

Once he's grown accustomed to that, move your chair further away from him, and offer calming words if he fusses. A simple, unemotional "Mommy's here, it's time to go to sleep" is all you need.

Next, progress to standing outside the door and reassuring him using the same phrase every five minutes until he falls asleep (or if he awakens). The final stage is telling your child, from outside the room, to go back to sleep, that you'll return to check in on him in five minutes. This very gentle, gradual approach might take a couple of weeks or a couple of months, depending on you and your child.

AN ALTERNATIVE METHOD
The downside to the gradual approach is that, for some kids, having you in the room at all might simply be too stimulating. If that's the case, you might want to go directly to the standing-outside-the-door phase.

With this approach, you must be brave and let your child cry himself to sleep. You haven't deserted your child, you're right outside his door. If your child cries, tell yourself, "I do so many wonderful things for my child all day, I'm not scarring him emotionally. I'm helping him learn to fall asleep alone. I'll be a better parent and my child will be a happier person when we've all had a good night's sleep."