some culture or camp in a national park, their teens might not be as eager for the vacation. Traveling with a teenager is a challenge that can make a weekend road trip with a fussy infant look like a joy ride. Once they hit high school, most kids can't bear to have a meal with their families, much less take a two-week trip. So, how can you plan a family vacation with your teen that won't make you all want to murder each other?
BRING ALONG A FRIEND
While the thought of traveling with two teenagers instead of one may make your head hurt, there are reasons to consider it. Not only is there safety in numbers--you will probably feel better letting your 16-year-old go out with a buddy rather than alone--teens together are more likely to entertain themselves than a teen alone, who may just sit around complaining about how boring the family is. Finally, there is the added bonus that peer pressure can work to improve behavior. If your child's friend has parents who will spring for the air fare, adding one more person to a trip can save you in headaches what it costs you in food.
FREEDOM
The more a teen is allowed to do what he wants, the less he will rail at you for ruining his life. While safety is a very real concern, it is also important that you base things like curfews on accurate information rather than your imagination. Find people who have recently visited the place you are going or who live there, and ask them about what is and is not safe for teens to do alone. If you are traveling to another country, you might want to pick one in which the language your teen is studying in school is spoken. This can make her much more independent, and she may even be a real help to the whole family.
A GROWN-UP IN THE FAMILY
Your teenager is obviously not an adult, but the more you treat her like one the less friction you will have. This means including your teen in the planning process far more than you would with a younger child. While she is not entitled to a dream vacation that will bankrupt the family, dragging your unwilling 17-year-old to a ranch in Montana will be a nightmare for everyone concerned. Respect your teen's wishes and indulge them where possible.
THE BOTTOM LINE
No matter how sophisticated your children are, going on a trip with them will never allow you the same freedom you would have if you were on your own. While vacations with older children can be enjoyable for everyone, they still need to be children's vacations that parents can enjoy. The only way to take exactly the vacation you want is to do it the old-fashioned way: Leave the kids at home.
Melissa Kantor teaches junior high and high school in Brooklyn, New York, and has listened to a lot of kids and their parents complain about their family vacations.
Please keep in mind that phone numbers, addresses, and prices are subject to change. Updated August 2005.
